By Your Side
by high improbability
Summary: Rick questions everything around him, what he's doing with his life, and whether or not he's making the right decisions. TVS Contest entry, oneshot.


**Hi, all. I thought I'd try my hand at entering The Village Square's Writing Festival, and the theme for this month was "Doubt." So...yeah. Enjoy!  


* * *

**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harvest Moon. Yet.

* * *

I've always doubted myself.

I don't know why – It's just…it's hard, you know, always being the hard, independent man everyone's counting on. It's hard trying to run this whole place practically by yourself while your sister's off gallivanting with some pirate and your mother's lying on her deathbed. It's hard.

My father?

Don't even ask about that bastard. He left me, Popuri, and Mom to fend for ourselves in the shop while he's off 'searching the world' for some flower that probably doesn't exist. As if. Anybody who would _willingly_ leave Mother is insane. I _thought_ I'd accepted his departure long ago, but now that I think about it, I haven't.

I was only around twelve when he left, leaving _me_ to run the shop (at _twelve_), mind Popuri, _and_ take care of Mother in her final years – months, probably? It's hard.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing a good enough job. Is mother's health failing because I'm not good enough at taking care of her? Is Popuri marrying Kai because I'm not keeping a good enough eye on her? Or, am I keeping _too much_ of an eye on her? Is the shop not doing so well because of me? Should I just give up?

Sometimes I wonder my self-worth, if I really am useful in this world. If I can be happy.

Karen's happy here, and I know that. She has both her parents with her, however much they argue, she's popular – everyone _loves_ her – especially me.

I don't know when it started. I've known her since we were in diapers, two messy blonde heads giggling in unison, the two-headed monster, our parents called us. She was the one who beat up people who picked on me. I've _always_ loved her.

But I'm not good enough for her, and I know that.

If Karen had a sister, I know she wouldn't let her run off with some player. If Karen ran the supermarket by herself, I bet she could manage. If Karen's father _left_, I know he would come back. And that's why she's better off with that farmer Jack than she would be with me. Karen's strong, and I'm not. Karen's not bitter, and I am.

I hate it.

It's almost scary, the way I feel. Sometimes I wonder if it's all right to feel this way, if I should just keep being the all-around nice chicken boy that goes around being nice to people. If it's all right to just bottle up my feelings like this.

To have so much doubt in myself.

* * *

I'm all alone in the Poultry Farm now; everyone's gone to the wedding. Alone. Just like I'll be sooner or later.

Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn around, seeing it's Karen. Funny. I didn't hear her come in.

"You'll come, right?"

Karen's voice is hopeful, almost as if she's begging me to come. "Popuri's counting on it," she adds, as if to add effect, to lure me into going.

I almost can't bear to face the truth; that my darling sister is going away in a few hours; marrying away to the one person I hate the most. If I go the wedding my heart will practically break, signifying that I really will be alone in this world.

"I…can't."

Karen's eyebrows shoot up at this, and her tone is tinged with anger and disappointment. "Why not?" she snaps. "It's your own sister's _wedding_, Rick. You can't just ignore it."

"Yes I can, Karen," I shoot back, fists clenched. "I don't need you to baby-sit me anymore. I'm not a child anymore, Karen." The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I can take care of myself."

Emerald eyes widen at this, and her eyebrows shoot downwards in fury. "What?"

Seeing her forlorn expression melts away my anger, and my clenched fists relax. "I'm sorry, Karen. It's just that –"

Karen's face relaxes, and she smiles as if she understands me. "Rick, it's okay," she says, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Kai's a great guy, trust me. And I think Popuri's old enough to make her own decisions."

"I know, but –" All of a sudden I sigh. "Karen, maybe it's better this way. Maybe I should just go let Popuri paint the town red with Kai and maybe I should just let Mother die off. Maybe I should just sell the farm. Then there will be nothing I can fail at, would there, Karen?"

"Rick." Karen's voice is laced with finality. "You don't know what you're saying." She softens. "Rick, you're a great guy, trust me. That's why Lillia's been holding on for so long – it's because you're there for her, taking care of her. Popuri hasn't grown into so much of a spoiled brat and is…fairly independent because you're there watching over her. The chickens are great and healthy because you're there to oversee them. Don't you see, Rick? Don't you see?"

I smile brokenly at her. "Sure, Karen. If Popuri and mother leave I'll be all alone in this world, won't I?"

She takes a deep breath, almost as if she's about to say something. "No you won't, Rick," she replies calmly. "No, you won't be alone." Her face breaks out in a smile, reaching out her hand. "I'll be here for you, Rick. I'll always be by your side."

I feel like I'm about to cry. Hearing Karen say that somehow makes it all better. "Thank you."

She grins, her boyish, strong personality coming back. "Eh, I'm not good with these heart-to-heart talks," she says sheepishly. "Come on; let's go to the wedding, shall we?"

I take her outstretched hand. "Sure."

I'm happy, now, actually. Happy that there's _someone_ who understands me, who'll help me through everything, who'll help me from being alone, who'll nurse the pain of losing Popuri, and eventually, Mother.

Someone who'll be by my side.

* * *

**Well, I'm...relatively happy with the way it turned out. **


End file.
